My inspiration for me today came from a blogger here, the word self-esteem. This bought it back to me how many times over eight years I’ve heard this word. I would say its in Dean much more than in Sam depending on what context you are putting it all in. Self esteem, or Low Self esteem to me is Dean. Its him down to a tee. This episode has apparently seen Sam with high self esteem for Dean. Its seen him power hungry wanting to abide by his brother in battle to save his skin. For better or worse. Sam is back, and with that condition is peddling high.
Dean is however, less subdued, about life in general, about himself, his quality of life and his own well-being. How far down can you go before you finally crack. What pressure do you put yourself under before you finally crack. Sam’s mental issues were touched on last season, I think its about time to look into Dean’s. His drinking seems to have taken a back burner and has not been seen as often as it was, perhaps might not have been looking closely enough. But when is the time comes when Dean can no longer cope, that he is in fact de-sensitized to his own body/mind. We can only put ourselves through so much mind torture before something clicks and we snap. I remember Cas’s line about not wanting to be saved, that he felt he wasn’t worthy. Cas couldn’t understand this human trait why Dean had such a low opinion of himself, that those layers were none existent. He didn’t care, he didn’t feel, he didn’t assume he was worth it, worth that ultimate sacrifice of being saved by another, when he does it on a daily basis.
Both boys have engaged in this life, but is it a healthy one, is it one that drags you down into the pit of dispare for ever and ever. Are the writers seeing Dean this way for a reason. Is there a purpose to see Dean differently to Sam. We no nature is different in each human being, how a human is unique and the qualities they posses. But what makes Dean think he’s not 100% special. Confidence and inner confidence is a big issue with him and him alone. Only he can change the way he feels. With Sam’s guidance has this finally bought it home to Dean who he really is, and what he is really worth ….
Bella would love to know your views on this subject what esteem and self esteem means to you. Have the boys been dealt an easy blow in life, have they coped with the life they have been given? Why has this been such an issue within Dean, in particular, why can Sam move forward and get over things better, more easily and Dean can’t?