We know throughout the boys history they have both had issues to various degrees, and on different levels, and for very different reasons. So still with the thoughts of the season 8 finale we are still trying to examine Sams feelings in much more detail. I feel like a psychiatrist now but if this is what we have to do to get to the bottom of that moment in the finale, then so be it.
Yesterday I found my own mind skipping back to Season 3 ‘A very Supernatural Christmas’, and Sam’s speech to his brother. I ‘looked up to you my whole life Dean’. We knew how Sam worships and idolizes his brother and the love and respect he clearly has for Dean. So is Jeremy really going back to his own roots, and looking into the heart of the brothers relationship. Is he getting who these boys really are as humans. What is their weakness, its not so much their strengths but what Sam fears the most. I think he wants Dean to feel proud of him, when we as the viewer know Dean is proud of Sammy and would do anything for his little bro. So why does Sam actually feel so worthless in his brothers eyes. Why does he feel he cannot do a job properly and feels he is worth it in his own eyes. Can we perhaps get a feel of why Sam has these inner problems, and where it really stems from. Can we piece together the mystery of that finale moment where Sam felt enough was enough and he had to resort to drastic measures. Is his mind so troubled that he cannot relate to his own reality any longer. That if something does happen to Dean he knows he will not be able to cope. Perhaps this is why he never looked for his brother, because that fear was so deep that the worst did actually happen. We no in the past that Sam has gone to pieces, and he has got over that messy situation more than once previously. So this time perhaps it was too much that he could not bear any longer. His whole body shut down, and his brain just gave up. If it was a mental issue this would help perhaps in sorting those other little issues out.
If those feelings are so deep which manifest over a long period of time, how can one get over that phobia, how can one begin to understand what Sam actually went through. Psychiatrists would probably say well Sam your seed started in you mind when this, this and this happened. So where do we begin to look where Sam’s physic and phobia began its long and arduous journey eight years later. That chapel scene was monumental to Sam, in his own mind it was wondering over the edge and we could see what a state he was in. Someone whom is clever has a hard time in not being confident in his brothers eyes. So what is it that really started this chain of events which led to last weeks showdown.
Bella would dearly love her angels help in trying to figure out why Sammy our little Sammy feels so worthless. That he cannot over come his profound guilt, that he had to resort in ending it all. Can we solve this little mystery guys, as ever Aunty B is waiting to patiently read your thoughts …..