When was Sam last really, actually Sam?

Once again my inspiration has found something in a thread over on IMDb. The heading really made me think, and think hard. If I am totally honest I found this easy to call as Sam wouldn’t have remembered it. He had six months of normality before YED come onto the scene and bled into his mouth as a baby. So without thinking about what’s wrong with Sam scenarios’s that’s happened down the years, I think Sam has NEVER really known what its like to be Sam Winchester?

So Sam Winchester, “THIS IS YOUR LIFE”

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Season 1 – Precognitive Dreams powers from Azazel’s blood
  1. Season 1 – Precognitive Dreams powers from Azazel’s blood
  2. Season 1 – Demons watching over him
  3. Season 2 – Sam begins to search to find out clues of Azazel’s plan for him being a leader to his demon army
  4. Season 3 – Sam continues to learn more about his abilities
  5. Season 4 – Sam’s powers are an important part of the fourth season in breaking the main seal, regularly drinking demon blood and ruby’s
  6. Season 4 – Detoxing from Ruby’s blood – hallucinations.
  7.  Season 5 – Found he was the true vessel of Lucifer the archangel
  8. Season 6 – Sam’s soul is not with him and is still trapped in Lucifer’s Cage.
  9. Season 6 – Death gives Sam’s mind a “protective wall” to prevent any negative effects. Death also warns him not to scratch the wall he has built, or his memories from Hell will destroy him
  10. Season 7 – Lucifer taunting him – Hallucinations of Lucifer
  11. Season 8 – Grief after Dean’s supposed Death end of season 7
  12. Season 8 – Damage caused by the trials season 8
  13. Season 8 – Ezekiel curing Sam from the trials and possessing him
Season 7 – Lucifer taunting him – Hallucinations of Lucifer

So with all this interference in his life is it any wonder Sam has yearned to be ‘Normal’. Wanting to get out of the hunting life permanently.  So are the writers really beginning to come to terms with this that Sam continues to be infected by something or some one. 

I have really felt for his plight though, regardless of negativity from the fandom. I think he’s taken it on the chin, and taken the rough with the smooth. I think a human though can only take so much and he needs a break. Being a young man still I wonder what else he can physically take on. He’s already been on a physic ward and come back from hell without his soul. So where else can the writers really go with sick Sam? Has it come to a dead end that they can actually put more tragedy on the guy and have him survive.

He’s already been on a physic ward what else can he mentally take on?

So have we ever really seen Sam just be Sam. Or has that bus already left the depot. Can Sam ever really have a season where nothing infects him, or changes his personality. Have the writers literally taken Sam too far that he’s crossed that human line, that  we will never see the real human Sam? When Sam came back from the dead Dean was really unnerved when Azazel told Dean did Sammy come back 100% SAM? This implanted and sewed the seed in Dean’s mind that his brother may not be whom he once was. So has the ship sunk for Sam and his character will always be known as sick, limp crazy Sam the boy who always has something wrong with him? What can the writers do to change this unhealthy pattern? 


15 thoughts on “When was Sam last really, actually Sam?

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  1. If you are born with a chemical imbalance? What do you do? You know you are you and you are there regardless if only seen in public view upon occasion.


  2. What is normal for one person is not for another. What others perceive as “normal” doesn’t work for others. Sometimes horror creates more horror, sometimes it creates beauty. Some people suffer untold horrors as children and young adults. These events influence them for the rest of their lives and most continue to survive but are affected as to their vulnerabilities, life choices, and career paths. When creating a character of fiction, the influences and choices made for that character should fit within the scope of the creation. Otherwise, fans cry… foul. This is true of Sam and of Dean. The pattern works, the show works, the fans mostly enjoy. Just my thinking on it. Dean is just as affected by the events of Sam’s 6 month birthday.
    This is very true Debbab. Also some children bounce back a lot better than others and can handle trauma very well. Very true like Sam last season. Oh I sure get Dean is just as affected by Sam’s trauma just because it didn’t hit him directly doesn’t mean he feels it any less. I think those unaffected probably feel it more than those who are. Because particularly some one like Dean shoulders that guilt inside terribly for years which does unforeseen damage. Dean carries way to much guilt. Its surprising what humans do take on, and what we can actually cope with under terrible stress. I think the mind is a clever thing that it can put it some where and tuck it away for years. But with others in never really goes away.

    Thanks for the comments,
    Love Aunty B xxx


  3. Well he can start learning who he really is at any rate. I still think the man he would have been was derailed the moment he was given the demon blood.
    Yeap I so agree with you there. Sam never really stood a chance with Azazel hanging around Mary. Mary had a lot to answer for when you think about it. But I guess she never really understood what Azazel was going to do in ten years time. Why did she go through with that deal damn!! But then I supposed we wouldn’t have the story we have today without that deal.

    The last time he was really Sam he was 6 months old and since he was tainted has never been who he was meant to be. In fact since his birth was engineered by TPTB one could make the argument that Sam was never meant to be human. When Gordon claimed he was the Antichrist we all thought, Gordon is nuts and we laughed about it but Gordon wasn’t wrong. Sam was bred and created to be Lucifer’s vessel and that has always colored his emotions and thinking. His feelings of being an outsider and different, his anger and even a great deal of his fear of the hunting life and going dark side, goes right back to the demon blood, becoming even worse when he was addicted to it.
    My thoughts are correct then. This is what I’ve always thought in the back of my mind too, that he was never in fact really human. Poor Sam!! I guess this was why I always wanted him to have angel powers now too. Gordon had the right idea, but its how he went about it was rather chilling. That actor deserves a lot of credit, Sterling was superb. But what I found surprising that he didn’t twig Dean was a vessel for Michael as well as Sam! Walkers death still gives me the shivers.. This is what I miss about our guest stars now. Charlie, Garth, Chrissy and even Kevin to a point to have this added tension, spark, appeal to their character. Gordon was a nut job in a way Martin was a similar character in season 8. But its the mature-ness of these characters I loved, that these today don’t have.

    I’ve got to give it to Eric Kripke for thinking up such great characters in these brothers. How he originally thought of the idea of the demon blood in a human, was rather a clever concept. This was what I always found really interesting about Sam. The demon blood sure has a lot to answer for in Sam’s make-up and what makes him tick now. I still think he did his best when he went dark side, and used this horrible affliction for good intentions in saving people. But was still a horrible side to Sam seeing him drink demon blood, to get his natural fix. I miss season 1-5 as the show now has a very different feel.

    Now that his blood is pure though we might get a chance to see the man he would have been without outside interference.
    I hope we see a softer Sam emerge like he use to be. His anger has always got the better of him, and to see him more human would be interesting to watch. I think even Jared must be tired of acting what’s wrong with Sam. I bet every time he gets a new script he must think, no not again writers!!

    Thanks for the comments,
    Love Aunty B xxx


    1. Yes the show is very different from when it began. The show isnt even half as scary as it used to be but in ten years its made up for that in other ways. And one thing it has done is get me interested in the mythology surrounding the plots and its lighter and funnier too. I consider that a win because I almost NEVER care about a show ‘s mythology. I didn’t care with Lost and not with Buffy or The X -Files. But I care with this show.

      I went into my Supernatural book and checked off all of my favorite A and B episodes and I pretty much come up with about 5-8 “A ” episodes per season and about 5-8 “B ” episodes per season with season 7 having the least number of episodes that I liked. So in my mind the show has been consistent in its quality based on the number of episodes I liked and regularly re -watch. It averages out to about 14 episodes per season with about 5-6 episodes that are below average and 2-3 episodes that I absolutely hated.

      So the show has changed but its quality hasn’t changed and I expect that in a dramatic show that’s been airing for 8 years. It may not be what it was and if you are a fan that wants that then you’re out of luck. But what it has changed into is worth watching and its still good if you’re willing to accept the changes. If not then I don’t know what to say to you.

      My little rant isn’t directed at you Bella.
      I know you didn’t 😉

      When a show stops giving you what you want its time to move on to a new show not complain loudly and often that the show is not how you like it and that it should go back to how it used to be. You can speak your mind but understand that the people who still love the show are getting something good out of it. Just because its no longer working for you doesn’t mean the show is worthless. Its just worthless to you.
      Sometimes I don’t think the show is as good as it once was. There was something very special about season 1-5 that it had a beginning, middle and an end. It wasn’t disjointed, it wasn’t more humor than myth arc, it had a through story we could all relate to. The boys had a journey and a destiny all mapped out for them. Now its like bits here and bits there. I do adore this show still, I do get why fans do moan and groan and I get where their coming from. Seasons 4/5 were the pinnacle and the shows best. I don’t think we will ever see those days again. Which makes me sad as I think are the writers up to it. Now with Edlund no more that’s a double downer. Robbie is up there but I don’t think he has the mustard that really cuts it like it use to. The writers don’t really know how to write the boys any more and those brotherly moments were what drew so many of us in, in the first place. Yes the quality is still there, Dog Dean afternoon proved this the boys were on the ball, and the pacing was good and the story telling was funny. But for me it still lacks something. Last season re-built my love for the show in some ways even though we thought Sam was out of character. This season I am finding stuff hard to write about. As you may notice. It might come back and bit me up the bum. I do hope so. Maybe its just me I’m on a downer. 😦 I so love my myth arc and sometimes I think Zeke is doing it for me and other times I think are their milking it just for drama and effect. I think this season is so slow. All those angels falling and what real story have we seen from their point of view. And where the hell is Metatron?

      Thanks for the comments,
      Love Aunty B xxx


      1. “Just because its no longer working for you doesn’t mean the show is worthless. Its just worthless to you”
        I never understand why they want to talk about the show when they don’t like/appreciate it anymore!

        I think fans are like this because they’ve lost interest as its not as good as it once was. They hope their show will come back and it hasn’t so Its put those fans off, so they continue to moan. I wish sometimes they would put up with it or shut up. It only causes disharmony in camp. My feelings are up and down, up and down. The board sways me a lot, and then make up my own mind. Its so hard to rise up the negativity but I do try. 😉

        Thanks for the comments,
        Love Aunty B xxx


        1. Viewership is up in the ratings which is pretty amazing for a show in its 9th year, so something is working for some folks. I find the basics of the show have stayed consistent. There has to be some change for the growth of the characters and the show. Both leads are in their 30’s now not their 20’s and life experience has had to have changed them a bit- season to season. I watch because I like, enjoy- not always perfect episodes, but darn good compared to some of the other scripted shows on TV. Everyone has the right to express an opinion, but if one finds the show so distasteful and non redeemable, what makes you still tune in? Has SPN cast a spell on the naysayers? Changing channels is always an option. We all make choices and live with the consequences.
          I just wish the ratings were that bit better. Maybe I’m asking for too much. But from my perspective its such a great show, and its kept me hooked all these years so its doing something. There are not many shows I stay the whole hog. So as you’ve said Debbab they must be doing something right, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!! Yes it has stayed fairly true to itself. Other than the biggy last year 😉 We need growth as the boys continue to grow. Some of the TV is so predictable at the moment, I mean Revolution Eric what’s he doing. Fight scene after fight scene is getting tiresome now. I am weary of this show already. So much has happened to this family its unbelievable, and the SPN similarities are so uncanny. I think if they find they are still tuning in, its because I think they think it might change and be what it once was. They are basically still hankering for the past. I also think its about investment, the years they’ve put into a show, they think they are letting themselves and the show down in some way. As I would feel if I left that I was abandoning it.

          Thanks for the comments,
          Love Aunty B xxx


          1. So Bella, what I hear you saying is that the season is not giving you answers fast enough for the stuff you want to know. But how is that different from the other seasons? To me they all start slow and build momentum. Also they have twenty four episodes to work with so there’s going to be a little slowness.
            In answer Ikeke yes, I get they all start slow, but when I think how easily I got excited to how I am this year I am in the dull drums which is so not like me. I haven’t found anything to write about and you know me now, I am posting more or less every day, but its not inspiring me. There is no detective work floating around much which I love, I love guessing. Last year we had the strong feel of perception, which really made us think. Noting is really floating my boat yet. I thought the angels story line would really give me something to sink my teeth into and episode 5 and they haven’t even tried to get back to heaven yet. You would think that’s the first thing on their minds. Not throwing brick backs at Cas and acting like silly children. Yes it was his fault. But aren’t their more pressing matters. Have I missed something are we getting another episode usually its been twenty three?

            Season eight was the same way. It took eight episodes for me to start liking that season and I never warmed to seasons six and seven at all and I blame Gamble for that. She had too many great ideas and didn’t develop a single one of those ideas so the show suffered from feeling disconnected. The villains weren’t scary and she seemed to have no long term goal in mind the way Kripke did.
            Carver did well picking up from where she left off that’s so true. It does take time for a season to kick in I’m only to aware of this, but the episodes did nothing for me. I think Sera was living week by week. She was scared I think to give us a seasonal myth arc, and struggled with it. SPN needs a good arc and so far this is taking a while to reveal itself. Sera season’s did feel disconnected, and agree with the villains. Kripke’s five year plan was what kept the show afloat, with so many show-runners I think has damaged the show a bit. 😦

            I think season eight under Carver is trying to get back to a season long arc and I can see that in how the episodes are written but it will never be what it was because the show has moved on. The boys have grown up. You once asked the question: if the brothers have been through too much for it to be like it was. The answer is YES. They have been through so much that the mood of the first five season will never be recaptured. The way I think of it is like this:
            I’m emotionally invested in the brother’s relationship so I don’t care what kind of adventures they have and mostly don’t care about reapers not being canon or the angels are written wrong, as long as its entertaining and the brothers are having the adventures together. Whether or not you like the show very much depends on your reasons for watching it in the first place. I tuned in to watch two hot guys kill monsters and got attached to the two hot guys and their relationship. As long as the show continues to entertain and the brothers remain brothers nothing much else matters very.

            Yes I have felt this and Carver is planning ahead, and each episode will reveal something new, to excite us. I hope! I’ve never really been one for canon and following it either. But I want a show to excite me, and inspire me. Which the boys have in abundance and couldn’t have asked for more. I more or less tuned in for the same reason as you. I hope they do remain brothers as that would kill it for me if they destroy this foundation. With all the angst I hoped it wouldn’t go this way. I just wonder where the writers are taking it sometimes. I want the stories to be as solid as 4/5 were they were the golden days, and I think Carver is getting their slowly. Zeke did excite me, but now I think its making Sam look really stupid, as I thought he would have twigged by now. I am dreading the fall out from this too if I’m honest.

            (FTW, Sam was not written wrong in season eight. He was written exactly the way the writers wanted him to be written and everything he did was in keeping with his character and in his belief that Dean was DEAD. Instead of trying to find a way to get him back because that has never worked out for either of them, he just left it alone and had some sort of breakdown.. Its just no one understood WHY he made the decisions he made and the writers did a piss poor job of explaining why he did things. Just because its not the decision a lot of viewers would make doesn’t make what he did out of character.)
            The more I read about this the more I am coming to terms with it, it just took me a while to get my head around it. I got he had a break down and some didn’t even think this. I think a lot of people were confused by the way it was handled and executed. I don’t think he was out of character now in not looking for Dean, but Kevin and ditching the phones is still a puzzle to get my head around. I guess it comes under the grief stricken scenario that he wasn’t in his right frame of mind and wasn’t thinking clearly. It felt so wired at the time that it was odd to put together.

            Thanks for the comments,
            Love Aunty B xxx


            1. ” Just because its not the decision a lot of viewers would make doesn’t make what he did out of character.)”
              Thank you for saying this. I HATED that he didn’t look for Dean BUT if the writers write it for a reason its not OOC. They just really didn’t show us how messed up Sam was.

              Thank you barb. No they didn’t really explain the story as thoroughly as they could have done. It was a bit disjointed and I don’t think they showed us all the flashbacks they could have. It made Sam look bad when he wasn’t. There was a message in there about grief and they could have fleshed this story out, and it would have been really interesting, and they didn’t. I know Sam’s face in the finale was within drawn, in shock and so on. But was this enough.

              Thanks for the comments,
              Love Aunty B xxx


              1. Well I think you” be really into it with the newest episode this week as some fascinating questions have dropped in our laps.
                Not before time, I was getting bored. Which isn’t like me, I want to be excited again and miss it.

                Will Cas remain human forever because heaven can’t be opened again?
                I think the boys will eventually find a way with Kevin helping too, its only a matter of time. There are so many angels on earth, that the writers really have to get them back home. They can’t leave this unanswered, it would look pretty stupid and a huge plot hole.

                Is Crowley telling the truth when he says the spell is irreversible?
                He could be lying we know demons lye, don’t we 😉 But it could also be biding him some time to escape and putting his plan into action. The writers won’t keep Crowley in the bunker for ever. I was right about the spell but didn’t think of the plot being irreversible, good writing. I wonder how they will get around this?

                How are the brothers going to deal with Abaddon, because so far she really has taken over Hell and seemingly can’t be killed?
                I’m wondering it won’t be the boys, Crowley will. He had a really strong axe to grind with her in the finale, and Sam spooked him so he’s gunning for her. Maybe Crowley might smell the roses and use the boys to his own advantage which would be more his style.

                Why is Crowley injecting himself with human blood on the sly and whose blood is it?
                Is it Sam’s? and if it is, is Crowley trying to complete the trials, become more human, or is it just an addiction?

                Ikeke see my earlier notes. I don’t think Crowley wants to remain human, I think its all an act, he’s been playing the boys for ages. He’s definitely stringing them along, but I’m not sure how yet. He so wants to get back to hell to sort out Abaddon, this is his main priority.

                I think there’s some good mysteries in there somewhere.
                I feel really spooked this week, as I haven’t even seen it, and most of those questions I’ve been thinking. I’ve seen bits on the forum. They are so mad today and yesterday. They think the writers are writing Dean bad and that Sam fans are laughing. (rolls eyes) what next.

                Thanks for the comments,
                Love Aunty B xxx


                1. “Is Crowley telling the truth when he says the spell is irreversible?”
                  I am of the opinion that Crowley is lying.

                  I think he’s lying too. I think he’s also putting the boys off the scent, and throwing a wobbler in there.

                  Thanks for the comments,
                  Love Aunty B xxx


                2. I am haunted by the conversation at the end of Dog Dean Afternoon about how the person possessed and the thing possessing often become blurred. It was not just a line dropped in gratuitously. Yes, it was about chef Leo, but SPN isn’t that careless with lines without intent. Crowley, at least honors his deals which makes him one up on Abaddon. Yep, he has to get back to his realm and that is his priority.
                  It may become a bit more clearer in the next episode as sometimes they do go back a re-trace their steps. Crowley always honors deals because its in his best interests too, if there’s nothing in it for him then he’s not even there.

                  In SPN it is always about blood. Look, when Sam used demon blood he increased his psychic abilities so human blood with Crowley works the opposite? And yes, Sam was addicted.
                  I think Dean is being written very cleverly and has been the focus of the MotW episodes while Sam carries the angel arc. Sam is a bit too accepting of Dean’s explanations, but again he and Dean had an agreement to be honest so he is going with it and maybe is a bit influenced by the possessor who wants to stay hidden. Both leads have had equal time on screen in the episodes but the myth arc has taken a bit of a back seat until this week. Cas has a way to go as a human as writers have not milked it for all it is worth. There is a new world order in SPN universe and the writers I sense are not in a hurry to change it.

                  I said Dean was important this year didn’t I!! I like how the boys are carrying separate arc’s, but still working closely together. A lot of recycling is being done this year though. There was an interview out this week with Jared and Jensen and Jared was saying a similar thing that a lot of this season will mirror season 4/5, so will wait and see. The whole Benny thing last season reminded me of season 4 too. Oh damn, I thought there was going to be more myth arc. 😦 By new world order do you mean world domination someone taking power again like the Leviathans did in season 7?

                  Thanks for the comments,
                  Love Aunty B xxx


                  1. “I am haunted by the conversation at the end of Dog Dean Afternoon about how the person possessed and the thing possessing often become blurred”
                    I thought that whole conversation was very important. It went straight to the heart of the situation with Zeke. Will Dean start to think that its not Sam anymore?

                    This is so reminding me of season 2 when Azazel said to Dean when he bought Sam back, is it 100% Sammy. That still give me shivers… I am starting to think that they are both molding together as Zeke is healing and they could become whole at some point like morph into one another. I had thought this for a while, if as Jared said Sam is changing and changing all the time’ so Zeke could well be having some affect on Sam. Who’s to know at this point? I hope to god Sam is intact and comes out of this unscathed. This will make Dean feel even worse than he did before, guilt wise.

                    Thanks for the comments,
                    Love Aunty B xxx


  4. I think when Zeke hopefully leaves Sam it will be the real Sam.
    It could be because he is supposedly cleansed from the demon blood from the confession, unless of course Zeke leaves something of himself behind in Sam which could be a possibility. 😉

    Thanks for the comments,
    Love Aunty B xxx


    1. How much of Zeke is leaking through? Sam seems to feel better, but notice that he does not question Dean too closely, sort of like an angel that doesn’t know too much about humanity. Sam is a smart guy and knows his brother. Is he just into the promise of Dean not to lie to him that was made in the church, has he forgotten Dean’s “tells” when he is hiding something? Is Sam not healing all that fast so he isn’t sharp or is it Ezekiel dulling Sam out a bit? Notice how Sam is wearing his hair-pushing it back behind his ears-this is a deliberate change IMHO- what do you think it reflects?
      How long have I been saying this, that I think there beginning to mold morph into one another. I knew Zeke possessing Sam was a bad idea, if Dean knew this was going to happen he wouldn’t have gone through with it. I think its a mixture of both personalities coming through there and this is why Sam has taken a while to say something. That is a really good question Debbab Is Sam not healing all that fast? Again it could be a bit of both. I think Zeke has more control over Sam and his actions than the other way around. Remember Jared’s quote at Comic-con; Sam is changing and changing all the time. This is what I’ve always been suspisious about.

      Thanks for the comments,
      Love Aunty B xxx


      1. Also, In Dog Dean Afternoon, Dean uses the title of a Pink Floyd song to describe chef Leo- “Comfortably Numb” perhaps Sam is comfortably numb from Zeke.
        Could well be, your really thinking about this Debbab, and your rubbing off on me I think it will be interesting to see where this ends up. I hope it has a good overall conclusion and its just used as a what’s wrong with Sam as this just goes against him all the time.

        Thanks for the comments,
        Love Aunty B xxx


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