In the clip for this week Sam mentions again that he wants to die. We know how miserable Sam has been for a while now. Over loosing Amelia and the way his life has panned out. But why does he really so desperately want to end it all, still after what Dean said to him in the chapel and how he coaxed him off that ledge. He’s probably still regressing from the grace that was inside him. I don’t know if that is controlling his feelings. Or he’s simply had enough. But why is he turning his back on everything and everyone?
I wish at times I could get into Sam’s head space and wonder what he’s thinking. Sometimes I find him so hard to read. Or is this just me. He’s in a bad way over Dean also with the trials stuff that keeps circulating around in his head. This I get and can relate. But its like he’s continually on the same band wagon. I don’t get where it all steamed from in the first place. Sam has been the negative one, against being involved with the hunting life, and not being able to settle down and at such a young age he feels as though his life isn’t worth as much as anyone else’s life. Where do these suicidal thoughts come from? They are so deep which have obviously scared him mentally considering what he’s been through, but why the urgency to leave this world? Do any of you get where he’s coming from?
Had those trials meddled with his mind, that he didn’t know which way he was pulling, and not being able to give his own mind some peace and tranquility. His journey has been tough over the years, there is no doubt. But has season 8 progressed we felt Sam and confessed what his greatest sin was in letting Dean down all the time, and that he couldn’t do it to him again. But was it much more than this. Or is it a culmination of events that have brewed up inside of him?
Sam is very angry about a number of things at the moment, this we are all well aware of. But those thoughts have been manifesting for some time and they haven’t gone away fully. He’s still contemplating it, and considering it. So how bad has Sam’s life got that he wants to end it, and go up to the gates in heaven and be one of them and shake hands with Bobby. Had Bobby’s demise actually strengthened those original thoughts. Had Bobby’s death bin the final straw? I just hope his head can work through and see that light again, cause from were I’m standing Sam’s life is worth much to any one and that’s a terribly sad place to be in. Had those trials really affected Sam way more than any of us ever really thought. Had God’s plans messed with Sam’s head?