AA Members look at the podium ready to listen to their two newest members.
AA DIRECTOR: I would like to welcome two new members tonight to Alcohols Anonymous. Two brothers are here with us to share their life experiences and become new members of our family. Allow me to introduce Dean and Sam Winchester. I will now turn the podium over to Dean Winchester followed by his brother Sam Winchester.
DEAN WINCHESTER: I spent 40 years in Hell, down in the Pit torturing damned souls for Yellow-eyes but I never thought I would be standing here explaining myself to a bunch of drunks at an AA meeting. I am support to say “I am an alcoholic,” like in some damn chick-flick movie. So here goes, ‘I am a gutter-bum drunk just fixing to get rolled if I don’t get my shit straight’.
I started trying out Old Crow when I was 11 and my dad left me and Sammy alone in that one hour motel. Dad had to leave us because he got a call on a werewolf. This third grade school teacher was ripping up her students.
That first night Dad was gone a revenant tried to cross our salt line smelling Sammy’s demon blood. So I blasted it with Dad’s sawed off shot gun loaded with rock salt. That did the trick, didn’t even wake Sammy up because he was used to rock salt busting holes in walls because I had to be extra careful when dad was off on the family business.
Put a hole in the motel door, sent three hookers and their John’s buck naked in the parking lot. A drunk nearly got his head blown off passed out by our door as he ran off so I grabbed the fifth of Old Crow before it spilled out and took a drink. It tasted a like battery acid, but by the time I had Sammy ready for school I had a good buzz going.
I’ve got one thing to add. I’m here because Sammy used his puppy dog eyes on me. I been sober enough to drive Baby without getting pulled over on a fifth of Markers Mark. Somethings having claw marks sewed up and trying to forget how a Wendigo can strip the meat off a man’s while the guy is screaming will make you want a pull now and then especially when I broke the first seal and started the Apocalypse.
SAM: You did not start the Apocalypse.
DEAN: Listen Samantha to your big brother, only held out in Hell 30 years and I started using a razor. First flunking Seal.
SAM: What? No Dean! Final Seal, I killed Lilith high on demon blood. I was stone cold sober on liquor and you know it.
AA Director: Gentleman, please, Mr. Samuel Winchester do you have your statement ready?
AA DIRECTOR: Please we are at a meeting!
DEAN: Shut the hell up and set down Mr. Fugly Director. I don’t see no need to give up beer. Started when I was 9 from a buddy of my Dad’s Fred Jones, a damn good Hunter. A cold bottle will get your feet under you after you and your brother have been shotgunned and you got to heaven and find out God has ran off. Come to think of it. Me and Sammy had been doing a little drinking ourselves that night considering how many bottles and cans there were in that hotel room. Go ahead and tell all these pansy drunks what the ‘hunter’s friend’ is Sammy.
SAM: “I am an alcoholic.”
Finish Sammy’s speech and bring the AA meeting to a close.
Written By: Southeast
Published By: Bella