Why is Sam finding it SO hard to forgive?

Sam tells Ed that there are somethings that you can forgive, and some that you can’t and that he basically has to make that choice for himself. So what is Sam still beating himself up over that he can’t so easily walk past. I can understand why Sam feels so helpless in the fact that we can see he wants to make up with Dean but something in the back of his mind is clearly stopping him from doing so. So what is the real crunch behind this betrayal that Sam finds it so hard to forgive?

Is Dean blind as to why he can’t work out why his brother is hurting, that he can’t simply reach out and put a miracle band aid on his wound this time hoping that it will all go away. Is the wound so deep that the surface isn’t even touching how Sam is deeply feeling? In 9 x 01 we see Sam dying from the impact from the trials and that Dean took his brother to the hospital hoping they could fix his brother. We no Dean was under so much stress and we know what came next, because modern intervention couldn’t help Sam. Many still think Sam wasn’t tricked in to saying yes and words have been twisted around to suit how people feel now, as opposed to when then first saw it unfold. Do we all really understand what took place when Dean asked Sam to live? Was Dean right that if Sam new he would have rejected Dean’s request so Dean took other measures to see that his brother remained safe and alive by his side! Some still believe this was rape, but are you under the same illusion? 

 

Once Ezekiel was inside Sam the damage had clearly been done, it wasn’t so easy to walk away from the adventure that was to clearly follow. Nearly three months passed with Ezekiel inside Sam where he continued to heal him from the inside. Wired events took place when Sam was on the job fighting demons that he woke up wondering what had just happened. Sam also noticed chunks of time missing from routine drives in the Impala and grew suspicious. Had he begun to work out something fishy was going on?

We know eventually that Dean got Gadreel out of Sam with the help of Cas and Crowley invading Sam’s mind to kick Gadreel out. Were we dreading the fallout that was coming our way? I know I was. Angst is always on the menu for this show, and probably many others. So where do we begin to unravel what Sam felt once he knew what had been happening to him and that his own brother was behind it all. Sam knew that the deals that Dean was making were behind the real reason why he wasn’t happy, and that in the end he couldn’t trust Dean the way he clearly wanted to. We know a supernatural creature invaded Sam’s body to help heal the trial damage. So why do some consider this to be rape? Sam crudely has not has sex with this creature so why is this considered rape? The angel went to Dean’s aid because he thought he may have been doing a good thing in helping another person. Even though he saw it as refuge from the angels a place to hide away for his own safety. How can healing someone been seen as rape? Is it not having the persons consent to invade his body? 

So what is the real reason that is behind why Sam can’t go back and talk to Dean that he keeps walking away from yet another problem the brother’s share. Painful memories continue to haunt Sam that won’t go away, that continues to re-service and not properly be addressed and laid to rest. Is it the deals; the continuous lying week in week out, was it not allowing him to die, was it being tricked into the possession in the first place, was it having an angelic pacemaker fitted in his body to keep him alive, was it the general possession itself that Sam finds that he can NEVER forgive Dean? What do you think the real problem is that he finds it hard to forgive? Is it a culmination of all of it rather than just one piece of it?

After this entire nightmare I personally don’t feel it was rape but an invasion of privacy? When we look back into the past when Sam was drinking demon blood and nearly strangled Dean, this was Dean’s lowest time over Sam that he had huge issues with. That he couldn’t trust Sam because he chose a demon over his own brother and nearly killed him. So is this betrayal any harder, we have to ask ourselves? What is troubling Sam so much that he cannot even begin to open up about certain things. It took Sam a while to get Dean to open up about his time in hell. Both boys have had difficulties in their lives that they’ve both overcome and dealt with by hashing it out and not brooding over it. Has Sam come to the point now that he wants his brother back in his life, but doesn’t know how to ask for it? Is this what we are reading? We have seen there have been brief moments where Sam has thought twice about blocking Dean out, but there have also been strong times where he wants to talk, but can’t bring himself to. So what words will finally bring them out of this current predicament? Will Dean own up, and shout I’m sorry I fucked up? Or will Sam push those first words to get the bond back on track? Can it be this simple or is the relationship this broken that it cannot be fixed? I sincerely hope this isn’t the case.

So are the boys any further forward in healing this rift that won’t heal so easily? Can Dean finally take off Sam’s band aid and make it all seem better for Sam? Will it ever be this simple? Tell me your feelings on how Sam feels about his current dilemma, is he bleating without any real claim to, or do you feel strongly that Dean needs to express his point of view more so it allows the boys to naturally heal? Can they walk past this without wounds lingering in the future that will it all come back to bite them up the bum? Had Harry’s words this week to Sam and Dean about the rocking chair put seeds in their mind about their own relationship.  Had Ed and Harry’s break-up prompted the boys to do something about their own. Both boys felt what Harry was clearly saying in the car, that their facial expressions were enough to let us know they were thinking about those words. But what’s next, where does this leave Sam. Can he find it in his heart to forgive?